Its not easy to feel like shit everyday, but I managed to achieve it.

I wonder if life really sucks, or its just the way I am?

When I blog, it means I need to whine. Which is bad. Why do I have so much bad things to think about? I start to doubt myself. I wonder if Im turning schizo.. And little little stuffs can affect me so badly that I cant sleep properly at night. I worry bout my mental health.

Recently I met up with an old classmate. We seldom hang out together throughout the years and surprisingly, this friend knows me inside out! I was shocked when he could tell I was v uptight and stressed. He knew exactly how I feel without me telling him any of my problems. I was v impressed and felt good that finally someone knew how to read me accurately for once.

I am now transferred to a new department to work. The tricky part is working with my colleague. He is supposingly my subordinate cos my title is 'senior'. But he is more experienced and has been working at the place for some time already. He is prob pissed that Im at a higher position and feeling that I deserve less. There is a weird tension goin on, or mayb its just my brain. I feel really uneasy cos he is doing alot of stuffs like he really wants to prove something. He is taking control of alot of stuffs, and not informing me of his private discussions with the stylists/photographers for photoshoots. Im really feeling v uneasy. I feel he is really aggressive about competition. I had to ask him to give me things to do a few times, which shouldnt be the case at all. Today he even PR with the sales people and they talked to him about the jobs instead of me. Now, thats really annoying. Hes practically taking over everything! I already spoke to him about this, but I seriously dont think its going to stop anytime soon.

When will I ever have peace in my life? Why do I feel like shit everyday?

I feel like shit

I want to have a new blog site again.
Im sick of this one already.

I realise Im more loser than I could ever think of.
I met old colleagues, one just got back from the States and she bought another colleague a souvenir. Its Paul Frank! Thats for nobody knows I love Paul Frank too. Im such a loser.
I realise none of my friends know the right gift for me cos Im always the silent low profile one amongst them. The one that you didn have to bother about. The one you would forget about. The one that you didn remember the birthday of, the one you didn know what her hobbies/interests were.

Im just nobody to anybody. Im always the last to receive love.
The last on the line.

I truly hate myself.

And the fat hamster ex colleague was there. His body shape looks like a dwarf hamster. Fat and roundish. No neck. (But not cute.) Always bragging and gossiping. I just tried to avoid him as much as possible.

Amongst them, I was the only one, who never had a smooth sailing career, while their career was already up there. Mr hamster would always boast about his meetings with big clients and postings around the globe. Im just so not interested ok..

With so many things happening recently, I dno how I will be able to take it. My hamster passed away right after I came back from my trip. And something happened at my work place. I will find out where I will be posted tomorrow. I realise these bad luck stuff thats been happening, are happening on a weekly basis. I am afraid. What can be worse coming next? I just wish I would sleep and never wake up again.

"Dinners are a lame way to celebrate your friend's birthday."

Everybody eats dinners everyday. So, whats so special about that? Is that the best you can do for a friend?

And when usually, you dont even bother to meet up with this friend, then, whats the point of this once a year dinner?

Im so not impressed.

August

Its finally August.. Birthday month. Concert month. Lots of concerts that I wanto go to this month. I nearly missed all the chance. Cos my bf did not keep his promise to go any with me. Its a month of disappointments, so far it looks like that.

I bought concert tix to this band that I know would sound PERRFECTTTT in the esplanade. Top quality equipment in a top quality theatre. For perfect sounding music. How magical would the experience be? However the bf is not keeping his promise to watch with me. I am selling the tickets now, which some ppl are offering to pay more to get. But I do feel a little conscience pricking because i know, if u truly love music, truly love this band, then u really want to get the best seats(which i did). And if the tickets were sold out within 3 days, I can understand ur devastation. I shouldnt take advantage and earn the extra money rite? Cos its sort of like the 'ur one of my kind, and I understand how u feel if u cant watch wat u love' right?

Also, its been 2 months since I blogged. Lots of things happened in 2 months.
My house was sort of renovated. I have some new furniture. I have new job. I have met new ppl.

I wish things would just go well all the way.

I met the love of my life a few days ago. I did not have a chance to take fotos with the love of my life cos somebody stopped me. You can imagine my devastation. I know Im their hugest fan on this island. I memorised their set list, I knew which songs they dropped... I wanted to hug each of them and tell them they're the love of my life! But sigh.. Can you hear my sigh from over your side? I was completely destroyed.

I realise my inconfidence is a huge hinderance in my life.

I also realise I have been hating to look at the mirror. I feel Im getting fugly. I need to get reed thin like i promised id try.

Old is new, new is old

Been meeting up with a couple of old friends. e.g. old classmates. Never bothered to catch up with them like for 10 years. Some of them are a delight to see. Some are quite awkward to meet. Didn manage a good eye contact and a nice smile for those ppl whom I didn really have a good last impression of. Vice versa. But all of them are distant now. Each of us have our own little busy lives. Even for those who are delightful to see. And we know another meeting like this will be somewhere down a long winding road again.

So many years never seen, but yet, no one has ever really changed(in character). A few even have children now. And more and more are going to get married.. Hmm.. Everyone is growing old..

I met another group of old friends last weekend.. Really distant with them now.. One guy even turned out to be married with his wife being 4mths preggers. Wow..

Meeting up with old friends.. Doesnt really improve any situations.. i just feel as empty as before.
One of my ex classmates mentioned recently he has bumped into alot of his old time schoolmates. Immediately, what my bf told me, came to my mind. He mentioned there is a saying that all the people you have met before in your life, someday later they will come back in your life again. Sounds a bit sinister.. But thats ok. Im a curious cat, I like to know what people are up to these days, just for fun.

But recently these meetups, feel abit funny to me too. Time has really passed quickly. It also feels weird suddenly Im meeting all these ppl from years ago. Its like Im on a death roll suddenly, and I needed to see these ppl who have once appeared in my life, before I die.

I wonder what else is down the road for me..

Blabber on and on..

Ok Ok, before I forget, these are my new year 2008 resolutions........ Half a year flew by like nobody's business. And I have started none of it.

1. Save money
2. Good full time job - proper careerPublish Post
3. Take language course
3. Do more art projects on my own
4. Take art(painting/photography) course
5. Braces
6. Take some self improvement course
7. Keep fit incase need to go Summersonic

And looks like I got to plan Lasik on my list now.. Been getting eye infection regularly these few months.. Sigh..