"Dinners are a lame way to celebrate your friend's birthday."

Everybody eats dinners everyday. So, whats so special about that? Is that the best you can do for a friend?

And when usually, you dont even bother to meet up with this friend, then, whats the point of this once a year dinner?

Im so not impressed.

August

Its finally August.. Birthday month. Concert month. Lots of concerts that I wanto go to this month. I nearly missed all the chance. Cos my bf did not keep his promise to go any with me. Its a month of disappointments, so far it looks like that.

I bought concert tix to this band that I know would sound PERRFECTTTT in the esplanade. Top quality equipment in a top quality theatre. For perfect sounding music. How magical would the experience be? However the bf is not keeping his promise to watch with me. I am selling the tickets now, which some ppl are offering to pay more to get. But I do feel a little conscience pricking because i know, if u truly love music, truly love this band, then u really want to get the best seats(which i did). And if the tickets were sold out within 3 days, I can understand ur devastation. I shouldnt take advantage and earn the extra money rite? Cos its sort of like the 'ur one of my kind, and I understand how u feel if u cant watch wat u love' right?

Also, its been 2 months since I blogged. Lots of things happened in 2 months.
My house was sort of renovated. I have some new furniture. I have new job. I have met new ppl.

I wish things would just go well all the way.

I met the love of my life a few days ago. I did not have a chance to take fotos with the love of my life cos somebody stopped me. You can imagine my devastation. I know Im their hugest fan on this island. I memorised their set list, I knew which songs they dropped... I wanted to hug each of them and tell them they're the love of my life! But sigh.. Can you hear my sigh from over your side? I was completely destroyed.

I realise my inconfidence is a huge hinderance in my life.

I also realise I have been hating to look at the mirror. I feel Im getting fugly. I need to get reed thin like i promised id try.

Old is new, new is old

Been meeting up with a couple of old friends. e.g. old classmates. Never bothered to catch up with them like for 10 years. Some of them are a delight to see. Some are quite awkward to meet. Didn manage a good eye contact and a nice smile for those ppl whom I didn really have a good last impression of. Vice versa. But all of them are distant now. Each of us have our own little busy lives. Even for those who are delightful to see. And we know another meeting like this will be somewhere down a long winding road again.

So many years never seen, but yet, no one has ever really changed(in character). A few even have children now. And more and more are going to get married.. Hmm.. Everyone is growing old..

I met another group of old friends last weekend.. Really distant with them now.. One guy even turned out to be married with his wife being 4mths preggers. Wow..

Meeting up with old friends.. Doesnt really improve any situations.. i just feel as empty as before.
One of my ex classmates mentioned recently he has bumped into alot of his old time schoolmates. Immediately, what my bf told me, came to my mind. He mentioned there is a saying that all the people you have met before in your life, someday later they will come back in your life again. Sounds a bit sinister.. But thats ok. Im a curious cat, I like to know what people are up to these days, just for fun.

But recently these meetups, feel abit funny to me too. Time has really passed quickly. It also feels weird suddenly Im meeting all these ppl from years ago. Its like Im on a death roll suddenly, and I needed to see these ppl who have once appeared in my life, before I die.

I wonder what else is down the road for me..

Blabber on and on..

Ok Ok, before I forget, these are my new year 2008 resolutions........ Half a year flew by like nobody's business. And I have started none of it.

1. Save money
2. Good full time job - proper careerPublish Post
3. Take language course
3. Do more art projects on my own
4. Take art(painting/photography) course
5. Braces
6. Take some self improvement course
7. Keep fit incase need to go Summersonic

And looks like I got to plan Lasik on my list now.. Been getting eye infection regularly these few months.. Sigh..

Insomniac

Here I am, sleepless again..
My mind is busy with unhappy thoughts that keep me awake.

The subject is my ex colleague. The one that copies the food I eat. Even copies what I drink. And also the one that asked me how I draw my eyeliner. And yes, the one that went to Taiwan after I went, and the one that felt really jealous when I went Tokyo.
I am really disturbed by her. She has found a job with a magazine finally.
Even though it is not a fashion magazine and she's whiny about it.
I feel glad for her its a good chance to leave the present lousy company.
But feel that she is cunning in a way thats proven by her actions.

Last year when we were still colleagues, I used to tell her I am interested to work in a fashion magazine. All she could do was throwing wet blanket by saying its a v tough job with overtime all the time. Little did I know she started to apply for magazine job too after Im working freelance.
She is clearly aware that I am looking for a fulltime job. As a friend, she knows that fact, and she failed to inform me when she knew there was an opening for a fulltime job at the magazines and she applied it herself. Sly. When I asked her what other jobs did she apply for, she refused to say and just replied the magazine was the only one that replied her. She refused to tell me for fear of competition.

I dont think Im being petty right? She really is sly right?
And why should I pretend to be good friends with her when she is sly with me right?
I should distance myself from her. She suggests to meet up next weekend. I cant help but feel sickening at the thought I must dress ugly for fear she wants to copy me again and .. doesnt that make me pretentious and fake? And should i act happy for her actions? For having found a new job, for pretending to not know I would be interested in the job and failing to tell me?

She is also the one who refuses to admit she's going on a diet. She also jogs on weekends to loose weight. I think she is abit over the top. She is really jealous of tall pretty girls as she said so herself. When I openly ask her about her dieting, she just finds excuses and says shes on special diet cos she got pimples that day. Lame.

I mean... why is all the cunning & sly for? If you really want to be friends, then be open and honest.

I cant help but feel disturbed by these jealous cunning ppl in my life. I feel very disturbed.
I am so easily affected by other ppl in my life. I feel angry at myself.

Are her actions and behaviour clear to you that she is cunning, secretive and a very jealous person? She is so stereotypically Scorpio. And somemore her chinese horoscope is Snake. And Snake's character is also supposed to be cunning. Double whammy. Or am I just over-paranoid?

Last Saturday makan with mum .

And what about the guilt afterwards?

I just did something really psycho.
Im not proud of it. I am ashamed.
But I think there is a deeper underlying problem.
I am most likely a real closet psycho.

Mom washed and spoilt my fav bag. The colour run leaving behind white patches.
I dont know how did she scrub my bag to make the colour come off like that.
I did not ask her to help me wash the bag. I just took it out and put aside to wash myself prob this weekend. I told her before its my favourite bag. And I just told her that again a few days ago. Its not the first time she spoilt my bag/watch/clothes/whatever.
I was boiling mad. To the extreme.

Here comes the awful truth.

I broke the hanger thats used to hang clothes, into 2 pieces.
I kicked and punched the washing machine.
I slammed and kicked and punched the bedroom door.
I slammed the chair on the floor.
I called mom who is playing mahjong at the time, and screamed into the phone.
I slammed the house phone.

Somewhere inside me, a voice told me I need to take revenge.

So I took a hammer and smashed the house phone into pieces.