Irritating people

As like all women in the world, age is a secret. To know my age, you must be silenced. I wonder why ppl do not know how to respect other ppl. The more I refuse to disclose my age, the more they want to know. These type of irritating ppl applies to those who like to find out about your pay.

As a rule of the thumb, your salary, like women's age, is private and confidential. But these ppl, the more you refuse to say, the more they question you. Even after you told them you dont like to talk about it. These ppl just simply dont get it. They think im joking.

I also dont know why things as 'trivial' as these can make me feel super irritated and REALLY gets on my nerves. I must emphasize that even after I told them I dont like to talk about it, they really want to dig out that info from you.

I am extremely irritated.

Extremely. Extremely. Extremely.

Number 1

During my free time for the past few weeks, I watched alot of my fav jap star, Kimura Takuya's dramas. He is my number 1 favourite guy among all those actors. He is charming and cute really! My favourite guy of all times!!!!!! Charming Charming Charming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Long Vacation (1996)



Love Generation (1997)



Beautiful Life (2000)

Be warned, whining ahead...

I guess I need to inject some positivity. I feel so sick of everything. I blame everything on bad luck. I also can't even win a simple game of mahjong as can be seen that day at sister's place.. I had shit jobs since graduating from the stupid school. I kena bad people that were REALLY bullying me. My first job was 'freelance' at the now defunct TV station and after one year then they change me to 'Temp staff'. I had a bad colleague, an idiot malay guy, was bullying me and did all the petty lowly despicable stuffs like deleting my files and stuffing my belongings behind the computer monitor. He also took down stuffs I hang on the wall. My supervisor and boss didnt care because they were too busy covering their own ass because they already knew the department was closing down. After that department closed down, I was transferred to the newspaper division and thankfully this time I was far from him and had many new and nice and fun colleagues to make friends with. I was hanging around for half year and for some shit reason, they still refused to give me a perm position hence I couldnt enjoy the benefits that my other colleagues had.

Did you know?
The malay guy was getting like $4~5 K per month, he always M.I.A. and takes MC every month? Whatever the daily work needed, I could do it. And when he took leave I had to cover him even on weekends. (We have to work on weekends cos its a news TV station, but we had 2 days off everyweek) Yet, when I took leave to go Sydney with my eldest brother's family and mum, he was permitted to just work weekdays office hours and excused to not work on weekend. I still remembered it was a sunday when I was supposed to touch down, and my office ppl called me to go to the office to do some graphics, cos the tsunami happened in indonesia. Luckily I didnt have to go back in the end. Why they didnt call that lazy bastard who is in Singapore to do it? I was still on leave for Pete's sake!! Y they cannot give me a decent perm position so I can enjoy benefits like any other employees? But can waste money by keeping such a lazy asshole?

Worst Nightmare
So I jumped to the stadium when I had the chance. i thought finally! But then it turned out to be my worst nightmare ever. I had to constantly fight a battle with my boss in my department(which only had me and her). She is the craziest person to ever walk the planet. She made it a living hell for me. She got even got personal and unprofessional. Of cos, being a crazy person, she made it hell for other departments too. In the end, she refused to pass my probation stating all possible stupid reasons. So I had to extend my probation, thus causing me to lose the bonus. So I quit that damn job. And one month later after she took her year end bonus, she quit too. What a bitch. She had plans to leave, yet still made hell for all of us. Look at all these ppl that made my life hell.. What did I ever do to them?

So I left and I did freelance for half year. I was happy. Finally. But not much money to spend. And it felt like ppl looked at me funny like I was bumming around even if i really had income and worked from home.

3rd time's not a charm
I started to look for jobs. This time I thought I should anyhow find a job and settle down, work a few years. But it turned out to be a nightmare too. There was this fatty that started to crack unfunny jokes. And he started to pick on me and began to offend me. And it ended in us shouting at each other. And we never talked to each other again. I thought, finally, everything will be peaceful and well. I never really did snap out of it after all. I failed to read the signs(of a bad job) again.

My boss started to become cranky. Cos she was starting to lose her clients to younger companies who could provide more creative designs. Of cos, she is retro and backward and not design forward. So many times, I could not see eye to eye with her 'concept' and comments. I couldn't take it any longer. Even though I went for my summer vacation at Tokyo in August, I couldn't take my mind off work. I was stressed and unhappy. I felt insulted they always give me the smallest jobs. And makes me feel like a lousy designer. I felt humiliated and insulted. This is the only company I worked at that criticised my work. ALL of my previous companies loved my work. I was the top student in my class in year one, and one of the better students in my 2nd and 3rd year classes. Even that crazy woman at the stadium praised my work and praised my efficiency in learning new stuffs.

I couldnt take it any longer. And one day while hiding my resignation letter underneath my keyboard, I quarrelled with my boss over some projects again. It felt good when I took the letter out and flashed at her. I was due to leave after a month's notice in mid November, but she asked me to extend till the end of December in the promise of the 13th month bonus. Cos her new filipino cheap labour designer cant come over yet. So I agreed. i was glad I didnt miss out on the bonus this time after many years of lousy luck.

Why......
Whenever I think back on all these, I feel this is the worst ever period for me. I feel so wronged and robbed of what I deserved. I also wasted precious time and my youth.. I will burst into tears sometimes when thinking back. I think to myself, if I ever die now, I must become a ghost and haunt those ppl who did wrong to me.

Part-time......
I am now in my 2nd week at my freelance at a local young female magazine. I am in envy that this is a good environment, with young ppl my age, and good boss. Everyone's so friendly. But there is no full time job. Cos this is such a good place no one will leave. This lobang is from an ex colleague from the newspaper company. She has such a good life. She was lucky she found this job last year. Somemore it was a hire-immediately-after-interview that kind of lucky. I really envy her. I dont think its jealousy. Just pure envy. This girl grew up in a well to do family, close-knit family and relatives, and with both parents. Nothing like mine. And now she has a bf that really dotes on her. And also can you imagine, her parents bought her car. She nvr told me cos she doesnt go round bragging, but I suspect its for her 21st birthday or something. And her diploma was sponsored by the newspaper company cos its a scholarship. So after she grad, she had to serve her bond of 2 or 3 years at the newspaper. It was a stable no-brainer job. And after her bond, she found this magazine job. Look at her! Her life is so blessed!! No, shes not a christian. Her life is so good, so smooth sailing compared to my shit.

I feel this magazine is so my interest, its about fashion and beauty. And I can walk to the office, within 15min!! And most importantly, the designers get respected here, not just fill up the monthly template thingy but actually get expected to come up with interesting designs and they have pride in their job. They also get to art direct photoshoots and advertorials. And also, they get clothing discounts and free beauty products. Fabulous right? Im so slow now to catch up on all these. Too old to start.

But......
There are too many wrong doings in each of these stories. I could write a whole movie script for each story.

I look back on my life and it has been nothing except REGRET and full of FAILURES....

Its true, I am a very sad and pessimistic person.

Positivity

Wow! I is so impressed my little niece, Miss Abigail has a blog too! And all her clever friends at 14 is so advanced at blogging too!! Wow................ Guess my blog looks really primitive now.. ahah..

My bf showed me something quite interesting earlier. Thought can share with you.. Its about the Laws of Attraction. Umm.. Not exactly BGR that kind of attraction, but more like getting what you want in this world by using positive thinking. Quite interesting concept. Read on..

Understanding the Law of Attraction

You likely know someone w ho is a great at manifesting. You may even have felt somewhat jealous of that person because it appears they have everything, seemingly getting these things with little effort as if they were born under a lucky star. Well, it may be that they very well were born with the knowledge of manifesting already intact. I say this because I believe once we learn something in another life (Yes, I believe in past lives, parallel existences) it is not lost, and that we can choose to bring those talents with us as we move into a new life experience.

Attracting Abundance is Knowledge
As any other skill people have, manifesting is no different from playing the piano or flipping pancakes in the air. How good you are at it depends on how efficient you have become at performing it. And, although some of us are better at certain skills that doesn't mean the rest of us, with practice, can't improve or even surpass the talent expressed by another. Those people who are efficient in attracting have trained their minds to focus on their desires. They have learned it so well that they often times don't even realize how they do it. Abundance comes to them naturally. They wouldn't blink an eye if someone suggested they don't deserve something, it isn't part of their reality.

Grasping a better understanding of how the "Law of Attraction" works is the first step in bringing abundance into your life.

Law of Attraction
We create our own reality. We attract those things in our life (money, relationships, employment) that we focus on. I wish I could

tell you that it is as simple as stating an affirmation, but no affirmation is going to work if your thoughts or feelings are negating the positive.

When we focus on "having less" then we create that experience for ourselves. When we focus on "I hate my job" then we will never notice the aspects of our employment that might be satisfying. Basically, just wanting something isn't going to bring that to us when we continue to obsess on the not having of that something. All we will experience is "not having" and will be ultimately blocking our true desires.

Better to focus on a particular object or scenario rather than on winnings or cash.

Another mistake that we make is that we tend to think of abundance in terms of how much money we have in our bank accounts. I personally think focusing on winning the lottery is a fruitless event. Focusing on winning the lottery is kind of like focusing on "not having." I say this because of some discussions I've had with those who have held this desire, They have shared what they would do with the winnings if they won. Yet, some of the things they say they would do with the money they could actually already be doing with their current incomes on a smaller scale, but they don't. Why not? Because they cling to what they perceive as their "meager savings" with the attitude that they don't have enough out of fear. Here is an example of this:

A man's mother owns a car that is need of repair. The son says "If I won the lottery I would buy my mother a new car." But actually, the son has the means to take her car to the mechanics and pay out $400 needed in repairs to assure that his mom has a dependable car to drive back and forth to the market. When asked why he doesn't then just go ahead and have her current car repaired, he answers, "Well gee, I only have $800 in the bank, and doing that would knock out half my savings. What happens if my car needs repairs next week or my daughter gets sick and needs to see a doctor?"

So you see, the person's true focus is on "not enough" rather than being focused on winning the lottery. When we are focused on "not enough" it won't ever matter how much money we have, it will never be enough. Suggesting that he pay for his mother's car repairs brought his fears out into the open. It would be nice if the fellow could trust that by helping his mother and paying for the repairs he would not put himself at financial risk. But for the time being, while he feels he must hold onto that fear reality, I would suggest this man focus on visualizing his mother driving safely to and from the market in comfort and without experiencing any mechanical breakdowns. This would be a positive image/thought to get that picture to become a reality. Another suggestion would be to introduce the Law of Attraction to his mother so she can start attracting a new car for herself among other things she might desire.

1998 Phylameana lila Désy

Spring

As winter slowly fades away, here comes Spring! What a good time to start a fresh blog. At the beginning of Spring, where flowers bloom and animals return from hibernation. Its a fresh start for everybody! Yay!

oh yeah!
Happy Lunar New Year