Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I am overbearing to my friends...

I also hate my self-deprecating ways. I seek solace in Morrissey songs. He knows what Im talking about. Friends are even sick of listening to my whining. I am also sick of whining to them. As if it would change a thing. As if it would make them care more about me. As if they even cared from the start. Friendship is a very weird thing. The older you get, the lesser friends you have. The longer the friendship, the more they take you for granted. The sad truth is I dont have any friends. Throughout these few years, I have weeded them out. And some have left me. I have none left. Except only one best friend. I have a sad little life. Sigh...

Yes, one can make new friends. I think its just as hard to find a good friend or to maintain a friendship. I take each of my new friendship seriously. Even though I know Im a very judgemental person, I am very critical and full of complaints. But I try to tread on each new friendship carefully and try to see beyond their faults and accept them for who they are. Sigh. Or am I being hypocriptical? I dont know who I am anymore. I am learning to change myself to suit the world. Change-for the better, hopefully... I dont know.

Life is a constant battle with myself.

Friday, April 25, 2008

How to do this?

I had bad luck in almost all of my previous jobs.
I have no more faith.
I have even lost my confidence.


One crazy boss after another.



Will it ever change for the better?

I am smashed even at the slightest thought of failing an interview.

Why is it so easy for some people, and why is it so hard for me?

Interviews are belittling and mean.

And they ask you questions just to put you on the spot.

And they will definitely ask me that dreaded question.
How old are you?

With the revealing of age, comes discrimination...
and unfounded expectations...

I am scared...

Recently, in my freelance job, they started asking that dreaded question..
Damn... As each day passed by, I was hoping they will never ask that.
It threw them into a frenzy again, whenever I refuse to tell someone my age.
Nobody respects that. They always think its funny and gets them excited and they keep asking you and trying to find out. I am so afraid, that I am hesitating to hand in my weekly timesheet, cos I have to fill in IC number.
I wonder whos that idiot who made rules that IC numbers should start off with the year you are born. I wish I could change my IC number. I am so shameful of my age, or ageing. People just dont respect that. The more you dont want to reveal, the more they want to know.

God bless me. I need to get a GOOD job REAL SOON. Like any NORMAL person. GOOD JOB with GOOD colleagues and GOOD BOSS and GOOD PAY of course.

I am so full of fear. My LEO courage has been blown away.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Who said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

I've been baffled for years and years. Why is imitation the sincerest form of flattery?

I'm not shameless or imagining this, but it is really happening to me. And I hate it. Girls I have known throughout the years have tried to imitate me in one way or another. It is really annoying me. I just try to distance myself from that person and dress ugly when I meet them. They always ask me how did I do my makeup, how did I do my eyeliner or what mascara/makeup do I use. I dont like to be with competitive people or jealous people. I find these ppl who try to imitate me are jealous and hence do not make the best of friends.

I had one classmate who had an imitation of ALL my clothes that I always wear to school. She could not find the exact clothes, so she bought similar looking ones. How psycho is that?

I had one malay classmate who imitated my hair and makeup too. She was fat and couldnt imitate my clothes, so she cut the same haircut and coloured the same way as I did.

2 years ago, I freelanced at a company and met a girl with the same birthday as me but was 10 years older. It is really annoying that she imitates me from clothes to makeup and now even trying to have my hair. I really find it very psycho. I told her before Im really irritated by copycats, but she still goes on. Once I went shopping with her and showed her one shop which I told her was my favourite earring shop. Guess what, she visits that shop religiously now. Like those kiasu aunties who always cheong to the market early for fear of missing out something, she cheongs to the shop regularly and grabs all the stuffs. I have stopped going to that shop.

If you think nobody can be anymore psycho, you are wrong. I met a girl who copies what I eat. She was chubby when I started work in that company. Soon as time passed, she tried all ways to slim down. And I really hate it when people dont admit it. All girls love to slim down, don't need to hide it! What I choose to eat, is true to what I like to eat. Which is fish soup, yong tau foo these kind. Light and tasty. Besides, I dont eat pork or beef or mutton. Because I love animals and want to become vegetarian in the future. This girl thinks I choose my diet cos Im vain. She used to eat a completely different kind of diet from mine, but soon always copy what I order for lunch. Even the choice of drink also copy mine. She even resorted to eating all veges sometimes. Its really irritating even more whenever she finds some excuses for herself to hide from the fact that she is dieting. She is a very easily jealous person, as all Scorpios are anyway. So, Scorpios can never make good friends. They are very scheming people. She has even admitted before that she is very jealous of tall and pretty girls. Recently, she has asked me how do I do my eyeliner. Im really very irritated. I believe more than 15 girls have asked me that question before. And Im working at a magazine now, and she is also applying for a magazine job. Why is all these copying for? And she was very jealous I went to Tokyo last summer. She wants to go very much.

I also have another ex colleague who stares at my eyes whenever we meet up. Its damn weird ok? But its true. She also asks what mascara I uses and dashes to the nearest store and asks me to show her the exact one.

I really want to tell them off in the face. But I know that would seem thickskinned and petty. But Im really annoyed!!!!! I really wanto dump these people away sometimes, but human need friends. Annoying.

Trust me, there are at least 10 clones out there.

Pls girls, use your brains. There are all kinds of makeup in the world and many ways to apply makeup. Different makeup/method suits different people. You do not have to follow me. I am not the prettiest girl in your life. Pls bring your envy somewhere else.

How do I solve this problem?