Its not easy to feel like shit everyday, but I managed to achieve it.

I wonder if life really sucks, or its just the way I am?

When I blog, it means I need to whine. Which is bad. Why do I have so much bad things to think about? I start to doubt myself. I wonder if Im turning schizo.. And little little stuffs can affect me so badly that I cant sleep properly at night. I worry bout my mental health.

Recently I met up with an old classmate. We seldom hang out together throughout the years and surprisingly, this friend knows me inside out! I was shocked when he could tell I was v uptight and stressed. He knew exactly how I feel without me telling him any of my problems. I was v impressed and felt good that finally someone knew how to read me accurately for once.

I am now transferred to a new department to work. The tricky part is working with my colleague. He is supposingly my subordinate cos my title is 'senior'. But he is more experienced and has been working at the place for some time already. He is prob pissed that Im at a higher position and feeling that I deserve less. There is a weird tension goin on, or mayb its just my brain. I feel really uneasy cos he is doing alot of stuffs like he really wants to prove something. He is taking control of alot of stuffs, and not informing me of his private discussions with the stylists/photographers for photoshoots. Im really feeling v uneasy. I feel he is really aggressive about competition. I had to ask him to give me things to do a few times, which shouldnt be the case at all. Today he even PR with the sales people and they talked to him about the jobs instead of me. Now, thats really annoying. Hes practically taking over everything! I already spoke to him about this, but I seriously dont think its going to stop anytime soon.

When will I ever have peace in my life? Why do I feel like shit everyday?

I feel like shit

I want to have a new blog site again.
Im sick of this one already.

I realise Im more loser than I could ever think of.
I met old colleagues, one just got back from the States and she bought another colleague a souvenir. Its Paul Frank! Thats for nobody knows I love Paul Frank too. Im such a loser.
I realise none of my friends know the right gift for me cos Im always the silent low profile one amongst them. The one that you didn have to bother about. The one you would forget about. The one that you didn remember the birthday of, the one you didn know what her hobbies/interests were.

Im just nobody to anybody. Im always the last to receive love.
The last on the line.

I truly hate myself.

And the fat hamster ex colleague was there. His body shape looks like a dwarf hamster. Fat and roundish. No neck. (But not cute.) Always bragging and gossiping. I just tried to avoid him as much as possible.

Amongst them, I was the only one, who never had a smooth sailing career, while their career was already up there. Mr hamster would always boast about his meetings with big clients and postings around the globe. Im just so not interested ok..

With so many things happening recently, I dno how I will be able to take it. My hamster passed away right after I came back from my trip. And something happened at my work place. I will find out where I will be posted tomorrow. I realise these bad luck stuff thats been happening, are happening on a weekly basis. I am afraid. What can be worse coming next? I just wish I would sleep and never wake up again.

"Dinners are a lame way to celebrate your friend's birthday."

Everybody eats dinners everyday. So, whats so special about that? Is that the best you can do for a friend?

And when usually, you dont even bother to meet up with this friend, then, whats the point of this once a year dinner?

Im so not impressed.

August

Its finally August.. Birthday month. Concert month. Lots of concerts that I wanto go to this month. I nearly missed all the chance. Cos my bf did not keep his promise to go any with me. Its a month of disappointments, so far it looks like that.

I bought concert tix to this band that I know would sound PERRFECTTTT in the esplanade. Top quality equipment in a top quality theatre. For perfect sounding music. How magical would the experience be? However the bf is not keeping his promise to watch with me. I am selling the tickets now, which some ppl are offering to pay more to get. But I do feel a little conscience pricking because i know, if u truly love music, truly love this band, then u really want to get the best seats(which i did). And if the tickets were sold out within 3 days, I can understand ur devastation. I shouldnt take advantage and earn the extra money rite? Cos its sort of like the 'ur one of my kind, and I understand how u feel if u cant watch wat u love' right?

Also, its been 2 months since I blogged. Lots of things happened in 2 months.
My house was sort of renovated. I have some new furniture. I have new job. I have met new ppl.

I wish things would just go well all the way.

I met the love of my life a few days ago. I did not have a chance to take fotos with the love of my life cos somebody stopped me. You can imagine my devastation. I know Im their hugest fan on this island. I memorised their set list, I knew which songs they dropped... I wanted to hug each of them and tell them they're the love of my life! But sigh.. Can you hear my sigh from over your side? I was completely destroyed.

I realise my inconfidence is a huge hinderance in my life.

I also realise I have been hating to look at the mirror. I feel Im getting fugly. I need to get reed thin like i promised id try.

Old is new, new is old

Been meeting up with a couple of old friends. e.g. old classmates. Never bothered to catch up with them like for 10 years. Some of them are a delight to see. Some are quite awkward to meet. Didn manage a good eye contact and a nice smile for those ppl whom I didn really have a good last impression of. Vice versa. But all of them are distant now. Each of us have our own little busy lives. Even for those who are delightful to see. And we know another meeting like this will be somewhere down a long winding road again.

So many years never seen, but yet, no one has ever really changed(in character). A few even have children now. And more and more are going to get married.. Hmm.. Everyone is growing old..

I met another group of old friends last weekend.. Really distant with them now.. One guy even turned out to be married with his wife being 4mths preggers. Wow..

Meeting up with old friends.. Doesnt really improve any situations.. i just feel as empty as before.
One of my ex classmates mentioned recently he has bumped into alot of his old time schoolmates. Immediately, what my bf told me, came to my mind. He mentioned there is a saying that all the people you have met before in your life, someday later they will come back in your life again. Sounds a bit sinister.. But thats ok. Im a curious cat, I like to know what people are up to these days, just for fun.

But recently these meetups, feel abit funny to me too. Time has really passed quickly. It also feels weird suddenly Im meeting all these ppl from years ago. Its like Im on a death roll suddenly, and I needed to see these ppl who have once appeared in my life, before I die.

I wonder what else is down the road for me..

Blabber on and on..

Ok Ok, before I forget, these are my new year 2008 resolutions........ Half a year flew by like nobody's business. And I have started none of it.

1. Save money
2. Good full time job - proper careerPublish Post
3. Take language course
3. Do more art projects on my own
4. Take art(painting/photography) course
5. Braces
6. Take some self improvement course
7. Keep fit incase need to go Summersonic

And looks like I got to plan Lasik on my list now.. Been getting eye infection regularly these few months.. Sigh..

Insomniac

Here I am, sleepless again..
My mind is busy with unhappy thoughts that keep me awake.

The subject is my ex colleague. The one that copies the food I eat. Even copies what I drink. And also the one that asked me how I draw my eyeliner. And yes, the one that went to Taiwan after I went, and the one that felt really jealous when I went Tokyo.
I am really disturbed by her. She has found a job with a magazine finally.
Even though it is not a fashion magazine and she's whiny about it.
I feel glad for her its a good chance to leave the present lousy company.
But feel that she is cunning in a way thats proven by her actions.

Last year when we were still colleagues, I used to tell her I am interested to work in a fashion magazine. All she could do was throwing wet blanket by saying its a v tough job with overtime all the time. Little did I know she started to apply for magazine job too after Im working freelance.
She is clearly aware that I am looking for a fulltime job. As a friend, she knows that fact, and she failed to inform me when she knew there was an opening for a fulltime job at the magazines and she applied it herself. Sly. When I asked her what other jobs did she apply for, she refused to say and just replied the magazine was the only one that replied her. She refused to tell me for fear of competition.

I dont think Im being petty right? She really is sly right?
And why should I pretend to be good friends with her when she is sly with me right?
I should distance myself from her. She suggests to meet up next weekend. I cant help but feel sickening at the thought I must dress ugly for fear she wants to copy me again and .. doesnt that make me pretentious and fake? And should i act happy for her actions? For having found a new job, for pretending to not know I would be interested in the job and failing to tell me?

She is also the one who refuses to admit she's going on a diet. She also jogs on weekends to loose weight. I think she is abit over the top. She is really jealous of tall pretty girls as she said so herself. When I openly ask her about her dieting, she just finds excuses and says shes on special diet cos she got pimples that day. Lame.

I mean... why is all the cunning & sly for? If you really want to be friends, then be open and honest.

I cant help but feel disturbed by these jealous cunning ppl in my life. I feel very disturbed.
I am so easily affected by other ppl in my life. I feel angry at myself.

Are her actions and behaviour clear to you that she is cunning, secretive and a very jealous person? She is so stereotypically Scorpio. And somemore her chinese horoscope is Snake. And Snake's character is also supposed to be cunning. Double whammy. Or am I just over-paranoid?

Last Saturday makan with mum .

And what about the guilt afterwards?

I just did something really psycho.
Im not proud of it. I am ashamed.
But I think there is a deeper underlying problem.
I am most likely a real closet psycho.

Mom washed and spoilt my fav bag. The colour run leaving behind white patches.
I dont know how did she scrub my bag to make the colour come off like that.
I did not ask her to help me wash the bag. I just took it out and put aside to wash myself prob this weekend. I told her before its my favourite bag. And I just told her that again a few days ago. Its not the first time she spoilt my bag/watch/clothes/whatever.
I was boiling mad. To the extreme.

Here comes the awful truth.

I broke the hanger thats used to hang clothes, into 2 pieces.
I kicked and punched the washing machine.
I slammed and kicked and punched the bedroom door.
I slammed the chair on the floor.
I called mom who is playing mahjong at the time, and screamed into the phone.
I slammed the house phone.

Somewhere inside me, a voice told me I need to take revenge.

So I took a hammer and smashed the house phone into pieces.

On a lighter note!

I am proud to promote Travis to my number one fav band!! Overtaking Radiohead finally!
I am proud to finally comfortably make this change finally finally!!

Every single time I put Travis' songs on, all the energy in my body comes alive and I feel like jumping up and down!! I wonder how does Fran ( Lead vocalist) writes his songs.. They're so wonderful, melodic, soothing and musical.. Wow.. I dont know how to describe.. But his music is really so so beautiful.. And the personality of the band is so great. They're really happy and sweet people!!!!! I love their scottish accent too! They're so cute!!

And watching their concert for the second time, at Tokyo last year, on my birthday, gave me the happiest happiest birthday ever. Jumping around, singing along, waving frantically, trying to snap some pictures.... until one stupido japo told me my cam was blocking his view. Cant blame me for your shortiness, shortyyyy!!!!!!!! He really spoilt my mood then.

But... I was really super duper happy!!!!!!!!!

When you have time, check out some of their songs at youtube:

Travis : Sing


Travis : Writing To Reach You


Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me


Travis - Turn


Travis - More Than Us

I am overbearing to my friends...

I also hate my self-deprecating ways. I seek solace in Morrissey songs. He knows what Im talking about. Friends are even sick of listening to my whining. I am also sick of whining to them. As if it would change a thing. As if it would make them care more about me. As if they even cared from the start. Friendship is a very weird thing. The older you get, the lesser friends you have. The longer the friendship, the more they take you for granted. The sad truth is I dont have any friends. Throughout these few years, I have weeded them out. And some have left me. I have none left. Except only one best friend. I have a sad little life. Sigh...

Yes, one can make new friends. I think its just as hard to find a good friend or to maintain a friendship. I take each of my new friendship seriously. Even though I know Im a very judgemental person, I am very critical and full of complaints. But I try to tread on each new friendship carefully and try to see beyond their faults and accept them for who they are. Sigh. Or am I being hypocriptical? I dont know who I am anymore. I am learning to change myself to suit the world. Change-for the better, hopefully... I dont know.

Life is a constant battle with myself.

How to do this?

I had bad luck in almost all of my previous jobs.
I have no more faith.
I have even lost my confidence.

One crazy boss after another.


Will it ever change for the better?

I am smashed even at the slightest thought of failing an interview.

Why is it so easy for some people, and why is it so hard for me?

Interviews are belittling and mean.

And they ask you questions just to put you on the spot.

And they will definitely ask me that dreaded question.
How old are you?

With the revealing of age, comes discrimination...
and unfounded expectations...

I am scared...

Recently, in my freelance job, they started asking that dreaded question..
Damn... As each day passed by, I was hoping they will never ask that.
It threw them into a frenzy again, whenever I refuse to tell someone my age.
Nobody respects that. They always think its funny and gets them excited and they keep asking you and trying to find out. I am so afraid, that I am hesitating to hand in my weekly timesheet, cos I have to fill in IC number.
I wonder whos that idiot who made rules that IC numbers should start off with the year you are born. I wish I could change my IC number. I am so shameful of my age, or ageing. People just dont respect that. The more you dont want to reveal, the more they want to know.

God bless me. I need to get a GOOD job REAL SOON. Like any NORMAL person. GOOD JOB with GOOD colleagues and GOOD BOSS and GOOD PAY of course.

I am so full of fear. My LEO courage has been blown away.

Who said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?

I've been baffled for years and years. Why is imitation the sincerest form of flattery?

I'm not shameless or imagining this, but it is really happening to me. And I hate it. Girls I have known throughout the years have tried to imitate me in one way or another. It is really annoying me. I just try to distance myself from that person and dress ugly when I meet them. They always ask me how did I do my makeup, how did I do my eyeliner or what mascara/makeup do I use. I dont like to be with competitive people or jealous people. I find these ppl who try to imitate me are jealous and hence do not make the best of friends.

I had one classmate who had an imitation of ALL my clothes that I always wear to school. She could not find the exact clothes, so she bought similar looking ones. How psycho is that?

I had one malay classmate who imitated my hair and makeup too. She was fat and couldnt imitate my clothes, so she cut the same haircut and coloured the same way as I did.

2 years ago, I freelanced at a company and met a girl with the same birthday as me but was 10 years older. It is really annoying that she imitates me from clothes to makeup and now even trying to have my hair. I really find it very psycho. I told her before Im really irritated by copycats, but she still goes on. Once I went shopping with her and showed her one shop which I told her was my favourite earring shop. Guess what, she visits that shop religiously now. Like those kiasu aunties who always cheong to the market early for fear of missing out something, she cheongs to the shop regularly and grabs all the stuffs. I have stopped going to that shop.

If you think nobody can be anymore psycho, you are wrong. I met a girl who copies what I eat. She was chubby when I started work in that company. Soon as time passed, she tried all ways to slim down. And I really hate it when people dont admit it. All girls love to slim down, don't need to hide it! What I choose to eat, is true to what I like to eat. Which is fish soup, yong tau foo these kind. Light and tasty. Besides, I dont eat pork or beef or mutton. Because I love animals and want to become vegetarian in the future. This girl thinks I choose my diet cos Im vain. She used to eat a completely different kind of diet from mine, but soon always copy what I order for lunch. Even the choice of drink also copy mine. She even resorted to eating all veges sometimes. Its really irritating even more whenever she finds some excuses for herself to hide from the fact that she is dieting. She is a very easily jealous person, as all Scorpios are anyway. So, Scorpios can never make good friends. They are very scheming people. She has even admitted before that she is very jealous of tall and pretty girls. Recently, she has asked me how do I do my eyeliner. Im really very irritated. I believe more than 15 girls have asked me that question before. And Im working at a magazine now, and she is also applying for a magazine job. Why is all these copying for? And she was very jealous I went to Tokyo last summer. She wants to go very much.

I also have another ex colleague who stares at my eyes whenever we meet up. Its damn weird ok? But its true. She also asks what mascara I uses and dashes to the nearest store and asks me to show her the exact one.

I really want to tell them off in the face. But I know that would seem thickskinned and petty. But Im really annoyed!!!!! I really wanto dump these people away sometimes, but human need friends. Annoying.

Trust me, there are at least 10 clones out there.

Pls girls, use your brains. There are all kinds of makeup in the world and many ways to apply makeup. Different makeup/method suits different people. You do not have to follow me. I am not the prettiest girl in your life. Pls bring your envy somewhere else.

How do I solve this problem?

This is my current fav

Cute right? This brown bear is called Rilakkuma!! Its a Relax bear. ahahah. The white friend is called Korilakkuma, a mischievous little bear. And one little yellow chick for sidekick, is Kiiroitori.

Irritating people

As like all women in the world, age is a secret. To know my age, you must be silenced. I wonder why ppl do not know how to respect other ppl. The more I refuse to disclose my age, the more they want to know. These type of irritating ppl applies to those who like to find out about your pay.

As a rule of the thumb, your salary, like women's age, is private and confidential. But these ppl, the more you refuse to say, the more they question you. Even after you told them you dont like to talk about it. These ppl just simply dont get it. They think im joking.

I also dont know why things as 'trivial' as these can make me feel super irritated and REALLY gets on my nerves. I must emphasize that even after I told them I dont like to talk about it, they really want to dig out that info from you.

I am extremely irritated.

Extremely. Extremely. Extremely.

Number 1

During my free time for the past few weeks, I watched alot of my fav jap star, Kimura Takuya's dramas. He is my number 1 favourite guy among all those actors. He is charming and cute really! My favourite guy of all times!!!!!! Charming Charming Charming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Long Vacation (1996)



Love Generation (1997)



Beautiful Life (2000)

Be warned, whining ahead...

I guess I need to inject some positivity. I feel so sick of everything. I blame everything on bad luck. I also can't even win a simple game of mahjong as can be seen that day at sister's place.. I had shit jobs since graduating from the stupid school. I kena bad people that were REALLY bullying me. My first job was 'freelance' at the now defunct TV station and after one year then they change me to 'Temp staff'. I had a bad colleague, an idiot malay guy, was bullying me and did all the petty lowly despicable stuffs like deleting my files and stuffing my belongings behind the computer monitor. He also took down stuffs I hang on the wall. My supervisor and boss didnt care because they were too busy covering their own ass because they already knew the department was closing down. After that department closed down, I was transferred to the newspaper division and thankfully this time I was far from him and had many new and nice and fun colleagues to make friends with. I was hanging around for half year and for some shit reason, they still refused to give me a perm position hence I couldnt enjoy the benefits that my other colleagues had.

Did you know?
The malay guy was getting like $4~5 K per month, he always M.I.A. and takes MC every month? Whatever the daily work needed, I could do it. And when he took leave I had to cover him even on weekends. (We have to work on weekends cos its a news TV station, but we had 2 days off everyweek) Yet, when I took leave to go Sydney with my eldest brother's family and mum, he was permitted to just work weekdays office hours and excused to not work on weekend. I still remembered it was a sunday when I was supposed to touch down, and my office ppl called me to go to the office to do some graphics, cos the tsunami happened in indonesia. Luckily I didnt have to go back in the end. Why they didnt call that lazy bastard who is in Singapore to do it? I was still on leave for Pete's sake!! Y they cannot give me a decent perm position so I can enjoy benefits like any other employees? But can waste money by keeping such a lazy asshole?

Worst Nightmare
So I jumped to the stadium when I had the chance. i thought finally! But then it turned out to be my worst nightmare ever. I had to constantly fight a battle with my boss in my department(which only had me and her). She is the craziest person to ever walk the planet. She made it a living hell for me. She got even got personal and unprofessional. Of cos, being a crazy person, she made it hell for other departments too. In the end, she refused to pass my probation stating all possible stupid reasons. So I had to extend my probation, thus causing me to lose the bonus. So I quit that damn job. And one month later after she took her year end bonus, she quit too. What a bitch. She had plans to leave, yet still made hell for all of us. Look at all these ppl that made my life hell.. What did I ever do to them?

So I left and I did freelance for half year. I was happy. Finally. But not much money to spend. And it felt like ppl looked at me funny like I was bumming around even if i really had income and worked from home.

3rd time's not a charm
I started to look for jobs. This time I thought I should anyhow find a job and settle down, work a few years. But it turned out to be a nightmare too. There was this fatty that started to crack unfunny jokes. And he started to pick on me and began to offend me. And it ended in us shouting at each other. And we never talked to each other again. I thought, finally, everything will be peaceful and well. I never really did snap out of it after all. I failed to read the signs(of a bad job) again.

My boss started to become cranky. Cos she was starting to lose her clients to younger companies who could provide more creative designs. Of cos, she is retro and backward and not design forward. So many times, I could not see eye to eye with her 'concept' and comments. I couldn't take it any longer. Even though I went for my summer vacation at Tokyo in August, I couldn't take my mind off work. I was stressed and unhappy. I felt insulted they always give me the smallest jobs. And makes me feel like a lousy designer. I felt humiliated and insulted. This is the only company I worked at that criticised my work. ALL of my previous companies loved my work. I was the top student in my class in year one, and one of the better students in my 2nd and 3rd year classes. Even that crazy woman at the stadium praised my work and praised my efficiency in learning new stuffs.

I couldnt take it any longer. And one day while hiding my resignation letter underneath my keyboard, I quarrelled with my boss over some projects again. It felt good when I took the letter out and flashed at her. I was due to leave after a month's notice in mid November, but she asked me to extend till the end of December in the promise of the 13th month bonus. Cos her new filipino cheap labour designer cant come over yet. So I agreed. i was glad I didnt miss out on the bonus this time after many years of lousy luck.

Why......
Whenever I think back on all these, I feel this is the worst ever period for me. I feel so wronged and robbed of what I deserved. I also wasted precious time and my youth.. I will burst into tears sometimes when thinking back. I think to myself, if I ever die now, I must become a ghost and haunt those ppl who did wrong to me.

Part-time......
I am now in my 2nd week at my freelance at a local young female magazine. I am in envy that this is a good environment, with young ppl my age, and good boss. Everyone's so friendly. But there is no full time job. Cos this is such a good place no one will leave. This lobang is from an ex colleague from the newspaper company. She has such a good life. She was lucky she found this job last year. Somemore it was a hire-immediately-after-interview that kind of lucky. I really envy her. I dont think its jealousy. Just pure envy. This girl grew up in a well to do family, close-knit family and relatives, and with both parents. Nothing like mine. And now she has a bf that really dotes on her. And also can you imagine, her parents bought her car. She nvr told me cos she doesnt go round bragging, but I suspect its for her 21st birthday or something. And her diploma was sponsored by the newspaper company cos its a scholarship. So after she grad, she had to serve her bond of 2 or 3 years at the newspaper. It was a stable no-brainer job. And after her bond, she found this magazine job. Look at her! Her life is so blessed!! No, shes not a christian. Her life is so good, so smooth sailing compared to my shit.

I feel this magazine is so my interest, its about fashion and beauty. And I can walk to the office, within 15min!! And most importantly, the designers get respected here, not just fill up the monthly template thingy but actually get expected to come up with interesting designs and they have pride in their job. They also get to art direct photoshoots and advertorials. And also, they get clothing discounts and free beauty products. Fabulous right? Im so slow now to catch up on all these. Too old to start.

But......
There are too many wrong doings in each of these stories. I could write a whole movie script for each story.

I look back on my life and it has been nothing except REGRET and full of FAILURES....

Its true, I am a very sad and pessimistic person.

Positivity

Wow! I is so impressed my little niece, Miss Abigail has a blog too! And all her clever friends at 14 is so advanced at blogging too!! Wow................ Guess my blog looks really primitive now.. ahah..

My bf showed me something quite interesting earlier. Thought can share with you.. Its about the Laws of Attraction. Umm.. Not exactly BGR that kind of attraction, but more like getting what you want in this world by using positive thinking. Quite interesting concept. Read on..

Understanding the Law of Attraction

You likely know someone w ho is a great at manifesting. You may even have felt somewhat jealous of that person because it appears they have everything, seemingly getting these things with little effort as if they were born under a lucky star. Well, it may be that they very well were born with the knowledge of manifesting already intact. I say this because I believe once we learn something in another life (Yes, I believe in past lives, parallel existences) it is not lost, and that we can choose to bring those talents with us as we move into a new life experience.

Attracting Abundance is Knowledge
As any other skill people have, manifesting is no different from playing the piano or flipping pancakes in the air. How good you are at it depends on how efficient you have become at performing it. And, although some of us are better at certain skills that doesn't mean the rest of us, with practice, can't improve or even surpass the talent expressed by another. Those people who are efficient in attracting have trained their minds to focus on their desires. They have learned it so well that they often times don't even realize how they do it. Abundance comes to them naturally. They wouldn't blink an eye if someone suggested they don't deserve something, it isn't part of their reality.

Grasping a better understanding of how the "Law of Attraction" works is the first step in bringing abundance into your life.

Law of Attraction
We create our own reality. We attract those things in our life (money, relationships, employment) that we focus on. I wish I could

tell you that it is as simple as stating an affirmation, but no affirmation is going to work if your thoughts or feelings are negating the positive.

When we focus on "having less" then we create that experience for ourselves. When we focus on "I hate my job" then we will never notice the aspects of our employment that might be satisfying. Basically, just wanting something isn't going to bring that to us when we continue to obsess on the not having of that something. All we will experience is "not having" and will be ultimately blocking our true desires.

Better to focus on a particular object or scenario rather than on winnings or cash.

Another mistake that we make is that we tend to think of abundance in terms of how much money we have in our bank accounts. I personally think focusing on winning the lottery is a fruitless event. Focusing on winning the lottery is kind of like focusing on "not having." I say this because of some discussions I've had with those who have held this desire, They have shared what they would do with the winnings if they won. Yet, some of the things they say they would do with the money they could actually already be doing with their current incomes on a smaller scale, but they don't. Why not? Because they cling to what they perceive as their "meager savings" with the attitude that they don't have enough out of fear. Here is an example of this:

A man's mother owns a car that is need of repair. The son says "If I won the lottery I would buy my mother a new car." But actually, the son has the means to take her car to the mechanics and pay out $400 needed in repairs to assure that his mom has a dependable car to drive back and forth to the market. When asked why he doesn't then just go ahead and have her current car repaired, he answers, "Well gee, I only have $800 in the bank, and doing that would knock out half my savings. What happens if my car needs repairs next week or my daughter gets sick and needs to see a doctor?"

So you see, the person's true focus is on "not enough" rather than being focused on winning the lottery. When we are focused on "not enough" it won't ever matter how much money we have, it will never be enough. Suggesting that he pay for his mother's car repairs brought his fears out into the open. It would be nice if the fellow could trust that by helping his mother and paying for the repairs he would not put himself at financial risk. But for the time being, while he feels he must hold onto that fear reality, I would suggest this man focus on visualizing his mother driving safely to and from the market in comfort and without experiencing any mechanical breakdowns. This would be a positive image/thought to get that picture to become a reality. Another suggestion would be to introduce the Law of Attraction to his mother so she can start attracting a new car for herself among other things she might desire.

1998 Phylameana lila Désy

Spring

As winter slowly fades away, here comes Spring! What a good time to start a fresh blog. At the beginning of Spring, where flowers bloom and animals return from hibernation. Its a fresh start for everybody! Yay!

oh yeah!
Happy Lunar New Year