I guess I need to inject some positivity. I feel so sick of everything. I blame everything on bad luck. I also can't even win a simple game of mahjong as can be seen that day at sister's place.. I had shit jobs since graduating from the stupid school. I kena bad people that were REALLY bullying me. My first job was 'freelance' at the now defunct TV station and after one year then they change me to 'Temp staff'. I had a bad colleague, an idiot malay guy, was bullying me and did all the petty lowly despicable stuffs like deleting my files and stuffing my belongings behind the computer monitor. He also took down stuffs I hang on the wall. My supervisor and boss didnt care because they were too busy covering their own ass because they already knew the department was closing down. After that department closed down, I was transferred to the newspaper division and thankfully this time I was far from him and had many new and nice and fun colleagues to make friends with. I was hanging around for half year and for some shit reason, they still refused to give me a perm position hence I couldnt enjoy the benefits that my other colleagues had.
Did you know?
The malay guy was getting like $4~5 K per month, he always M.I.A. and takes MC every month? Whatever the daily work needed, I could do it. And when he took leave I had to cover him even on weekends. (We have to work on weekends cos its a news TV station, but we had 2 days off everyweek) Yet, when I took leave to go Sydney with my eldest brother's family and mum, he was permitted to just work weekdays office hours and excused to not work on weekend. I still remembered it was a sunday when I was supposed to touch down, and my office ppl called me to go to the office to do some graphics, cos the tsunami happened in indonesia. Luckily I didnt have to go back in the end. Why they didnt call that lazy bastard who is in Singapore to do it? I was still on leave for Pete's sake!! Y they cannot give me a decent perm position so I can enjoy benefits like any other employees? But can waste money by keeping such a lazy asshole?
Worst Nightmare
So I jumped to the stadium when I had the chance. i thought finally! But then it turned out to be my worst nightmare ever. I had to constantly fight a battle with my boss in my department(which only had me and her). She is the craziest person to ever walk the planet. She made it a living hell for me. She got even got personal and unprofessional. Of cos, being a crazy person, she made it hell for other departments too. In the end, she refused to pass my probation stating all possible stupid reasons. So I had to extend my probation, thus causing me to lose the bonus. So I quit that damn job. And one month later after she took her year end bonus, she quit too. What a bitch. She had plans to leave, yet still made hell for all of us. Look at all these ppl that made my life hell.. What did I ever do to them?
So I left and I did freelance for half year. I was happy. Finally. But not much money to spend. And it felt like ppl looked at me funny like I was bumming around even if i really had income and worked from home.
3rd time's not a charm
I started to look for jobs. This time I thought I should anyhow find a job and settle down, work a few years. But it turned out to be a nightmare too. There was this fatty that started to crack unfunny jokes. And he started to pick on me and began to offend me. And it ended in us shouting at each other. And we never talked to each other again. I thought, finally, everything will be peaceful and well. I never really did snap out of it after all. I failed to read the signs(of a bad job) again.
My boss started to become cranky. Cos she was starting to lose her clients to younger companies who could provide more creative designs. Of cos, she is retro and backward and not design forward. So many times, I could not see eye to eye with her 'concept' and comments. I couldn't take it any longer. Even though I went for my summer vacation at Tokyo in August, I couldn't take my mind off work. I was stressed and unhappy. I felt insulted they always give me the smallest jobs. And makes me feel like a lousy designer. I felt humiliated and insulted. This is the only company I worked at that criticised my work. ALL of my previous companies loved my work. I was the top student in my class in year one, and one of the better students in my 2nd and 3rd year classes. Even that crazy woman at the stadium praised my work and praised my efficiency in learning new stuffs.
I couldnt take it any longer. And one day while hiding my resignation letter underneath my keyboard, I quarrelled with my boss over some projects again. It felt good when I took the letter out and flashed at her. I was due to leave after a month's notice in mid November, but she asked me to extend till the end of December in the promise of the 13th month bonus. Cos her new filipino cheap labour designer cant come over yet. So I agreed. i was glad I didnt miss out on the bonus this time after many years of lousy luck.
Why......
Whenever I think back on all these, I feel this is the worst ever period for me. I feel so wronged and robbed of what I deserved. I also wasted precious time and my youth.. I will burst into tears sometimes when thinking back. I think to myself, if I ever die now, I must become a ghost and haunt those ppl who did wrong to me.
Part-time......
I am now in my 2nd week at my freelance at a local young female magazine. I am in envy that this is a good environment, with young ppl my age, and good boss. Everyone's so friendly. But there is no full time job. Cos this is such a good place no one will leave. This lobang is from an ex colleague from the newspaper company. She has such a good life. She was lucky she found this job last year. Somemore it was a hire-immediately-after-interview that kind of lucky. I really envy her. I dont think its jealousy. Just pure envy. This girl grew up in a well to do family, close-knit family and relatives, and with both parents. Nothing like mine. And now she has a bf that really dotes on her. And also can you imagine, her parents bought her car. She nvr told me cos she doesnt go round bragging, but I suspect its for her 21st birthday or something. And her diploma was sponsored by the newspaper company cos its a scholarship. So after she grad, she had to serve her bond of 2 or 3 years at the newspaper. It was a stable no-brainer job. And after her bond, she found this magazine job. Look at her! Her life is so blessed!! No, shes not a christian. Her life is so good, so smooth sailing compared to my shit.
I feel this magazine is so my interest, its about fashion and beauty. And I can walk to the office, within 15min!! And most importantly, the designers get respected here, not just fill up the monthly template thingy but actually get expected to come up with interesting designs and they have pride in their job. They also get to art direct photoshoots and advertorials. And also, they get clothing discounts and free beauty products. Fabulous right? Im so slow now to catch up on all these. Too old to start.
But......
There are too many wrong doings in each of these stories. I could write a whole movie script for each story.
I look back on my life and it has been nothing except REGRET and full of FAILURES....
Its true, I am a very sad and pessimistic person.
Did you know?
The malay guy was getting like $4~5 K per month, he always M.I.A. and takes MC every month? Whatever the daily work needed, I could do it. And when he took leave I had to cover him even on weekends. (We have to work on weekends cos its a news TV station, but we had 2 days off everyweek) Yet, when I took leave to go Sydney with my eldest brother's family and mum, he was permitted to just work weekdays office hours and excused to not work on weekend. I still remembered it was a sunday when I was supposed to touch down, and my office ppl called me to go to the office to do some graphics, cos the tsunami happened in indonesia. Luckily I didnt have to go back in the end. Why they didnt call that lazy bastard who is in Singapore to do it? I was still on leave for Pete's sake!! Y they cannot give me a decent perm position so I can enjoy benefits like any other employees? But can waste money by keeping such a lazy asshole?
Worst Nightmare
So I jumped to the stadium when I had the chance. i thought finally! But then it turned out to be my worst nightmare ever. I had to constantly fight a battle with my boss in my department(which only had me and her). She is the craziest person to ever walk the planet. She made it a living hell for me. She got even got personal and unprofessional. Of cos, being a crazy person, she made it hell for other departments too. In the end, she refused to pass my probation stating all possible stupid reasons. So I had to extend my probation, thus causing me to lose the bonus. So I quit that damn job. And one month later after she took her year end bonus, she quit too. What a bitch. She had plans to leave, yet still made hell for all of us. Look at all these ppl that made my life hell.. What did I ever do to them?
So I left and I did freelance for half year. I was happy. Finally. But not much money to spend. And it felt like ppl looked at me funny like I was bumming around even if i really had income and worked from home.
3rd time's not a charm
I started to look for jobs. This time I thought I should anyhow find a job and settle down, work a few years. But it turned out to be a nightmare too. There was this fatty that started to crack unfunny jokes. And he started to pick on me and began to offend me. And it ended in us shouting at each other. And we never talked to each other again. I thought, finally, everything will be peaceful and well. I never really did snap out of it after all. I failed to read the signs(of a bad job) again.
My boss started to become cranky. Cos she was starting to lose her clients to younger companies who could provide more creative designs. Of cos, she is retro and backward and not design forward. So many times, I could not see eye to eye with her 'concept' and comments. I couldn't take it any longer. Even though I went for my summer vacation at Tokyo in August, I couldn't take my mind off work. I was stressed and unhappy. I felt insulted they always give me the smallest jobs. And makes me feel like a lousy designer. I felt humiliated and insulted. This is the only company I worked at that criticised my work. ALL of my previous companies loved my work. I was the top student in my class in year one, and one of the better students in my 2nd and 3rd year classes. Even that crazy woman at the stadium praised my work and praised my efficiency in learning new stuffs.
I couldnt take it any longer. And one day while hiding my resignation letter underneath my keyboard, I quarrelled with my boss over some projects again. It felt good when I took the letter out and flashed at her. I was due to leave after a month's notice in mid November, but she asked me to extend till the end of December in the promise of the 13th month bonus. Cos her new filipino cheap labour designer cant come over yet. So I agreed. i was glad I didnt miss out on the bonus this time after many years of lousy luck.
Why......
Whenever I think back on all these, I feel this is the worst ever period for me. I feel so wronged and robbed of what I deserved. I also wasted precious time and my youth.. I will burst into tears sometimes when thinking back. I think to myself, if I ever die now, I must become a ghost and haunt those ppl who did wrong to me.
Part-time......
I am now in my 2nd week at my freelance at a local young female magazine. I am in envy that this is a good environment, with young ppl my age, and good boss. Everyone's so friendly. But there is no full time job. Cos this is such a good place no one will leave. This lobang is from an ex colleague from the newspaper company. She has such a good life. She was lucky she found this job last year. Somemore it was a hire-immediately-after-interview that kind of lucky. I really envy her. I dont think its jealousy. Just pure envy. This girl grew up in a well to do family, close-knit family and relatives, and with both parents. Nothing like mine. And now she has a bf that really dotes on her. And also can you imagine, her parents bought her car. She nvr told me cos she doesnt go round bragging, but I suspect its for her 21st birthday or something. And her diploma was sponsored by the newspaper company cos its a scholarship. So after she grad, she had to serve her bond of 2 or 3 years at the newspaper. It was a stable no-brainer job. And after her bond, she found this magazine job. Look at her! Her life is so blessed!! No, shes not a christian. Her life is so good, so smooth sailing compared to my shit.
I feel this magazine is so my interest, its about fashion and beauty. And I can walk to the office, within 15min!! And most importantly, the designers get respected here, not just fill up the monthly template thingy but actually get expected to come up with interesting designs and they have pride in their job. They also get to art direct photoshoots and advertorials. And also, they get clothing discounts and free beauty products. Fabulous right? Im so slow now to catch up on all these. Too old to start.
But......
There are too many wrong doings in each of these stories. I could write a whole movie script for each story.
I look back on my life and it has been nothing except REGRET and full of FAILURES....
Its true, I am a very sad and pessimistic person.
3 comments:
hi
u decide what u want to do and do it and stay on course...yes, lots of competition out there...heard someone said this,"working hard does not guarantee u a success. But to be success, u must work hard..."
I'd been working for more than 20 years now. I still don't have a car. Yes, feel pai-seh when meeting up with my friends whom most of them have cars. But, who knows! They may be struggling to upkeep the car. Prices on petrols, ERPs can only go up. So, having a car is a liability. I rather spend my money more meaningfully, like on nice holiday.
I also think having a car is a waste of money, somemore it adds to air pollution and contributes to global warming. Unless you really need one for business transportation, like sales or what. Taking public transport is so much more convenient, and you dont have to worry bout parking and price hikes. Nice holidays are great of course!!!! Its always fun and enjoyable. And you always think about trip afterwards!!
I think my experiences with work so far is really bad. I seem to attract bad ppl into my life who make things difficult for me. Bad luck all the way. i feel v disheartened already. i wish I can turn back time and choose another route.
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